I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
