I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
