how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
