therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
