I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
