why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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