morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
