Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
