the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
