I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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