is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
