I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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