I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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