it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
