you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
