Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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