Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
