I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
