hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
