You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
