i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
