So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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