Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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