the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
