I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
