I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
