Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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