Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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