I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
