i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
