i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're like the curious george of whores
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i need some magic done to my vagina
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
