His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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