a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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