yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
