I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
