For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
