Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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