I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
