You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
