Do you still have your period?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
