I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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