i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
