I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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