Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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