That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
And he claims I gave him āfuck meā eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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