I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
