If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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