My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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