Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
