idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
