No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
