i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
