my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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