Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
