they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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