Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize