i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
