I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
