you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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