i already hear my dad disowning me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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