I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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