I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
