I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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