Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
