I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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