Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
