And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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