You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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