i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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