Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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