remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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