I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
