its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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