I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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