I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
ttyl tear gas
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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