I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
