I feel great
I just peed on a car
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
