I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
