you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
