he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
