He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
