idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
