He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
someone owes me an orgasm
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
