I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
