she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
