"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
