What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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