i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
