Tell her she can't have a vagina
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
