He had one of those small greek statue penises
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
