So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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