I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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