A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
