i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
