just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There r osticjed everywhere
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
